Getting Back Into Alignment

Alignment.

That is the word my mind had been searching for, for weeks. Something had felt off, something didn't sit quite right, something felt a little out of place, something felt out of ... alignment.

It is amazing how sometimes all it takes is for our minds to think of a single word and suddenly and all at once it allows us to see the truth of a situation. As soon as I found the word alignment something clicked into place; I had a light-bulb moment, and knew exactly why I had been feeling like I was in a funk of sorts: I was out of alignment with myself.

For me being in alignment means having my thoughts and beliefs match up with my actions and how I live my life on a day to day basis, and somehow as if it crept up on me out of nowhere I was no longer in alignment with myself. As I began to think of all the ways my thoughts and beliefs didn't match up with what I was doing I understood why I had been carrying around this irritable and weird feeling in the pit of my stomach for weeks. I knew that in order to get back to feeling more like myself again I'd have to call myself out on some of the bad habits I had created, and start putting more effort into being conscious about my actions.

Some of the ways I wasn't walking the walk, even though I was talking the talk ranged from using store bought makeup products even though I think they are laden with chemicals and would rather not smear that on my face, to eating lots and lots of junk food even though I frequently swoon over the delicious vegan foods Alyse Brautigam and Ellen Fischer eat. When so much of what you believe in does not match up with so much of what you do on a daily basis it is bound to create some tension within.

Now that I knew what was bothering me, I could take small baby steps to fix it: I have promised myself that once my store bought makeup runs out (because I am not going to waste it) I am going to return to buying all natural makeup from a local retailer. This also goes for buying shampoo and body wash - once I've used up what I have I am going back to buying products like this one and this one from Lush. I've promised myself that I am going to take on a 30 day shopping ban (which I started on September 18th) inspired by Cait Flanders to curb my random spending, and to cut back on all of the unhealthy food I've been eating as of late. I've promised myself that I am going to start making more time for things that are important to me like self care, reading, journaling and drawing. And I've promised myself that I am going to start putting more effort into carefully curating my perceptions - often times I end up in a bad mood simply because I choose to perceive something in a negative way instead of putting a positive spin on it.

"Thoughts become perception, perception becomes reality. Alter your thoughts, alter your reality." - William James

These are just a few of the ways I am starting to get back to being more me again, and it feels like a weight is being lifted off of my shoulders. If I've learnt anything through this it is that being yourself even though it can be hard at times is much easier. Let go of everything else, and just be you.