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The End of Slow, The Beginning of Surrender


My third slow experiment is trotting along nicely, and I have come to the realization that these slow experiments are not really doing what I thought they would do. I thought these experiments would lead me to a deeper sense of peace and calm, a more present focus on the moment, a way to really embrace the simplicity of things, but instead I just feel restless and a knowing sense that the year of slow although only three months in is already coming to an end. Instead of being disappointed with this outcome, I'm choosing to be grateful. I'm grateful because everything happens for a reason and the three experiments I have done so far have led me to the realize that this may be the end of slow, but the beginning of something else: Surrender.


I have been journaling a lot lately and I find myself often writing 'surrender, surrender, surrender'. Writing those words feels a whole lot like inhaling calm and peace and exhaling anxiety and stress. It is easy to think of surrender as being defeated, giving in, giving up ...but to me it's about letting go of the fight, letting go of control, it is ceasing to resist.


The more I thought about this the more I realized that I resist A LOT. I resist my own feelings, I resist hunger, I resist being a human with flaws, I resist making mistakes, I resist creativity for fear of failure, I resist surrendering in moments of frustration because I want to prove my point, I resist being vulnerable... All this resisting has me feeling drained; Drained and empty and confused and like I am not enough (even though I know better, and I know I AM ENOUGH, but I often don't feel it). When I think of surrendering it's like all of this melts away and I am back to being myself and I can breathe easy again.


The year of slow didn't go to plan, but perhaps it is leading me onto something bigger and better for the year than I could have imagined: 2018, the year of slow surrender. So what does this mean now? Well, I don't know! And that is kind of exciting. I will just have to play it by ear, and see how the days and weeks unfold.

"Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot forsee the outcome." - Deepak Chopra

Comments

  1. Corey Ellen White20 March 2018 at 07:42

    With you 100%, I keep coming back to surrender/acceptance of what is. Over and over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashleigh Memarzadeh20 March 2018 at 15:13

      So glad you can relate! I've often heard that unhappiness comes from not accepting what is and wishing for it to be different, so I think surrendering and accepting will go a long way for me! Thank you for sharing, and hoping that acceptance has brought you happiness :)

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